This entry- some reflections on Christmas – is not meant to be political, religious or poetic in nature and bears witness to nothing of any practical use to anyone unless of course you are like me, a person of faith. Then because faith, love and hope is what matters -what I have to say will make absolute sense: and you will walk outside in the cold, this evening blowing kisses heavenward to the stars. The stars will wink back at you and I. Maybe you will, like me ,hear an old record your mother used to play, and even receive it in spirit…..the words go…everybody loves a lover. Doris Day who sang this song sang it and ended it …evvvverybody loves a lover, like me!
Today (actually this began last night) I am absymally empty and so quietly happy. Christmas, after seven years of struggle, finally is not about anything. It is about Someone. I wait for Him, today,rather enjoying my aloneness and hoping really that no one will bother us – what did you get for Christmas? I’d really like to be able to tell the truth -nothing and everything.
My former faith, Deepavali, or ‘The Festival of Lights’ was about light overcoming darkness. I used to walk around in the dark behind my mother, watching her light oil lamps and set them all around the house. It was a beautiful sight. I helped her roll the wick, pour oil into the earthen lamps and hung around in the kitchen as she made the various Indian sweets. We don’t have a tradition of exchanging gifts in the family during Deepavali. Deepavali was about new clothes, going to the temple and having friends and relatives visit. Not unlike some Christmases in some circles here. (Different story)
As 2007 approaches however, I am happy to share with my readers, whereever you, whoever you are – my ‘secret’ joy! I really, really BELIEVE now. All our problems can be and will be fixed if not here, in the next world. There IS a God, His name is Jesus and He walked on earth as God and Man. I remember when I arrived in the US, distraught and in shock and pain, I kept asking everyone I met…does life have a happy ending? One dear American friend who gave my family, his family (such as he had) said to me, “….er…No.” Then he added hurriedly….”but you make the best of it.”
I’d like him, and you all to know, I have! Merry Christmas! And a Happy New Year! The best is yet to come. Just remember, it’s a level playing field out there with Jesus, and no matter what it looks like, life is fair – fair of face and of spoken truth. Just look and see, sailor!